My room smells like vodka and shame
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize