Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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