I bet he comes in French.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
