i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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