the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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