whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
