I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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