Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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