She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hippo gnu deer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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