Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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