I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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