My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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