Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
