he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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