Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
