I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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