you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
