I heard we made out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
