Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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