my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So many bounce houses so little time
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
