At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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