he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
