he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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