he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
