Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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