i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
