I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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