I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
