Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
