so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
