You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
