There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
