I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
