You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
