I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
