i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You smell like stripper and shame
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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