It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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