okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
