Whod you bang
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
