Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
