she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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