btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Farmville is her only friend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
