He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
