Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
