you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
