Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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