Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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