Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
