I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
