Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why didn't you poke me back
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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