Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was born a porn star she said
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
