Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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