Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
