Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Come see our sink grown plant.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
