My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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